Your Support Network
Your Support Network
Series: "Adulting 101 Coupons" (8 of 12)
How to Use Parent Cheat Sheets and Coupons
Welcome back to “Adulting 101: A Gift from Your Parents” coupons. Here I guide you through how to talk about one coupon for each week from you to your young adult as you prepare them for leaving home. By now you may have experienced together some lovely conversations around Adulting 101. Today’s topic centers around building “Your Support Network”.
If you’ve not already found and printed the 12 coupons to give to your young adult, just download the coupons here or by clicking on the purple button “Free Coupons”. (Note that the QR Codes on the coupons will take you to this newsletter’s URL so you have easy access to your Parenting Cheat Sheets.). If you’ve not read through the previous posts, please note where they are so that you can prepare for any of the coupons you may be asked to discuss. Each week I will add one more topic to this newsletter for you. Enjoy a few minutes to yourself. Remember to actually gift the coupons at any time - the more time the better.
Print them.
Gift them!
Prepare.
The Flow of the Lessons
Each lesson is intended to have an easy flow lasting about 45 minutes. It might go like this:
Your young adult hands you the coupon they wish to redeem, with (hopefully) 48 hours notice so you can be fully and completely attentive to the shared 45-minute-or-so session.
You both agree on the time, date and place to meet.
You spend time preparing by reading or re-reading the associated post provided here and in the archive!
You meet with your transitioning adult, enjoying time together as you discuss the chosen coupon’s focus.
Cheat Sheet Tips
Tip 1: Circling back. By now you may have had many conversations with your loved one about Adulting 101 or life in general. Making small talk each day - even five or ten minutes - is a great opportunity to continue building your relationship with your child. What have they been talking about recently? What follow up questions could you ask? For example, my youngest son recently expressed concern about a friend who needed to have a tumor removed and biopsied. A week later on the way to school I asked him about his friend. It matters when the people you love remember and know what you care about. What can you circle back to?
Even a simple stickie note with “Thank you for spending time with me today” or “Thank you for cleaning your room” can go a long way in building and maintaining your relationship.
Tip 2: Today’s topic or “Your Support Network” requires quite a lot of organization: creating lists, getting or transferring contact information, making phone calls, etc. Recognizing your young adult’s organizational strengths and weaknesses may be helpful here. Remember, you are helping them go out on their own where they will need to be entirely responsible for themselves one day. But for now, consider what support they need from you. What can they do? What can or should you do? What should you not do? Use your best judgment as you walk them through these potentially complexities.
Tip 3: Expressing gratitude. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day that we can easily forget to express gratitude. But feeling gratitude is one of the best ways to ensure a healthy balance in life. Model this by expressing in words gratitude to and for your child. In what ways has your child’s personality, presence, or actions brought you joy, comfort, companionship or love? Even a simple stickie note with “Thank you for spending time with me today” or “Thank you for cleaning your room” can go a long way in building and maintaining your relationship.
Cheat Sheet for Coupon “Your Support Network”
Building a list of your support network
Recognizing your present support system is a good first step in building a list. You might ask questions like: Who do you go to for emotional support? Who is the most trustworthy? Who helps you solve problems? Who might be able to help if you had technical issues with a computer, car, or plumbing, etc.? Who do we know that lives near where you will be (if anyone)? Think about broad categories like physical, mental, and emotional support. Think about proximity and availability.
If your young adult is moving away from home and into a new community; they may be in need of an extensive (and expanded) support system. You may wish to begin building this now. For example, a dentist, doctor, urgent care clinic, psychologist, specialists, Uber, police, place of worship etc. may be necessary to locate and secure and put in their phone contacts. For example, because Adam was moving to an apartment, not a school campus, (as well as half-way around the world from us) we discussed things such as how he could find a repair person, who he could call in an emergency, where the nearest Urgent Care was and who might be a “second mom” in our absence.
If your transitioning adult has had mental health issues be sure to to find and add the suitable hotline numbers to their (and your) contacts.
In a case where your child will be far from you, determine if there is family or friends of the family who could be a support in an urgent situation and add them to the support network list.
Finally, be sure to determine which contacts are already in your young adult’s contact list and which are not. Secure actual contact information as needed. Ask the contact the best way to be reached (phone, email, social media). Be sure to tell them why you are asking. For example, in Adam’s case I had many friends in the area but Adam didn’t have any of their phone numbers. So we updated his phone contacts to include these good, reliable friends and then he and I contacted them about being members of his support team.
Share a story or two of those first few months away from home. What situations arose and how did you handle them?
Finishing Well
Hopefully your time discussing “Your Support Network” will be time well spent connecting with your loved one. Congratulate yourself for your efforts to communicate well - perhaps expressing gratitude, organizing contacts together, sharing your stories or circling back. See if you can reiterate the key decisions you made together. You may finish the conversation well by thanking your young adult for some specific contribution. Tell them that you look forward to another conversation on another coupon - next week, next month, even a few days from now.