With a Grateful Heart for Self-Care
With a Grateful Heart (3 of 8)
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The origins to my Life Cheat Sheets series Me-Time: Self-Care in the Time of Covid can be traced to the stories I share below. Holding balance as a central value began when I was very young. I felt like finding Balance would be like being guided by the North Star. This desire for greater balance even propelled me literally from Green Bay, Wisconsin to Seoul, South Korea! And once balance began coming into focus, I finally had enough dependable “me-time” to develop consistent nourishing self-care routines. These pillars - balance and self-care - are now foundational to who I am as a human being. (Read to the end for a favorite autumn poem that demonstrates this yearning for balance.)
April 6, 2021
You may be surprised to think that someone could leave life in Green Bay, Wisconsin (population 100,000) with the intent of finding life balance in a city of millions of people. But, the truth is, that was a factor in our decision to leave and it actually happened.
First, let's look at the work to family to self ratio in Green Bay. I was working at a full-time job of teaching three classes (totally over 90 students) and running the International Baccalaureate Program as coordinator at a private high school in Green Bay. I brought work home every night and spent about 10 -15 hours per week working beyond my 40 hours. I had a six year old and a nine year old at home. I had very little time for myself but managed to walk 30 minutes a day in the morning and work out at the YMCA about 2 - 3 times per week. My husband and I found ways to do occasional date nights.
In 2010 we moved to a suburb of Seoul, South Korea. There, I had a full-time position teaching four classes totaling about 65 students. I was also in charge of the Forensics program, which meant three trips with kids each season. My children at home were still young. We took on a part-time helper who cleaned and did laundry for us each week. My husband and I went on date nights with greater frequency. I still walked every day and exercised 3 - 5 times each week. I joined a book club for the first time. I had time to read, write a blog, and explore Seoul on the weekends. I marked papers at home an average of ten hours each week. We vacationed as a family far more often and for longer stretches.
And finally, we moved to Hong Kong in 2014. I was employed 80% (by choice) still with four classes. I was responsible for around 70 students on average - sometimes less. I brought work home about seven hours per week outside of school. I again joined a book club. My children were older, which in some regards was less work and in other regards just as much work or more. In fact, with Adam's FTM transition, I was sure to not work full-time so that I could maintain some healthy balance. I took up playing the gong, continued to write and journal, added daily meditation, and continued walking each day. And I read a lot. Further exercise has fluctuated between 3 - 5 days per week. Aside from the Covid-19 era, our family continued to vacation and travel during the several breaks at school. This final year (2021), we hired a full-time live-in helper who cooks and cleans and grocery shops.
Add to all of this the fact that in both Seoul and Hong Kong we had amazing access to both nature (hiking, walking trails, biking, etc along or near water and woods/mountains) and access to city amenities (restaurants, entertainment of various kinds). This, too, created its own balance.
I find the older I get the more I want to give to my family and myself and the less I want to give to my career. I do the best I can and always have. But, if I had to put money on it, I would say my life has had greater balance in Asia. I hope to take that balance with me as I return to Wisconsin, perhaps older and (hopefully) a bit wiser.
The original article is linked here at greenbaytokorea.blogspot.com.
May 13, 2021
Self-care is a relatively new concept to me. Balance - yes - that was a part of my lexicon since I was in high school. But Self-care is a bit different. To me it means taking time out of your busy day for you and you alone. I also call it "me-time". I began being conscious of my need for self-care when Adam first shared that he was not born into the right body; he was transgender. In that moment, after the initial shock of it I thought, "This is going to be TOUGH, I had better figure out how to take real good care of myself - and quick - in order to take good care of him and my family." Self care has been a central understanding ever since that day 5+ years ago.
Recently, I have started a group here in Hong Kong for moms of transgender children (mostly teens). I dubbed our group "Super Moms" and gave each a pin with "Super Mom" on it to remind ourselves that we are just that - Super. Moms. Being a mother is a difficult role to hold in general. Being a mother of a child who is wishing to transition or is in the midst of transitioning from one gender to another is Super Hard. It is worrying, draining, all-consuming, expensive, and overwhelming. A few of my Super Mom friends are going it alone as single parents, too! And so the notion of self-care is at the forefront of my mind when I think of them.
After our initial meeting a few months ago, I sent a list with ideas for self-care because I wanted these amazing women to prioritize themselves more than they had been. Here is a screenshot of my texts.
In a way, this is a list that could only have been generated after living the life I have had this past decade. Thank you, Asia, for providing the time, space, and culture to create such a list as this.
My hope is that all of my readers recognize how important self-care is all of the time, but especially when you are in the midst of on-going stress or challenge. Perhaps you would like to practice. . .
Here is a compassion meditation that I love. Give it a go. First you bless someone you love. Then an acquaintance. Then someone you presently dislike. (That could be challenging, but still do it!) Then YOURSELF! Say the words with each individual in mind and heart.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
The original article is linked here and may be found at greenbaytokorea.blogspot.com.
January 24, 2022
(An excerpt from “The Birth of Me-time”)
To be honest, I don’t really know when the term “me-time” entered my consciousness, but even during high school I knew that what I desired most was a balanced life. At the time Jane Fonda’s exercise videos were all the rage, and so that is where I began - bouncing around and “feeling the burn” with two girlfriends a few days each week after school. By the time I was married and working full-time as a high school English teacher, maintaining balance was getting more and more complicated, but I somehow found time to walk most mornings. Over time I added and expanded the tools in my toolbox, including creative endeavors as well as mindfulness and other spiritual practices. Some of what I learned came to me through extensive reading or workshops; some from teaching a new course called Spiritual Explorations with an amazing team of teachers at Hong Kong International School. Some things I discovered while living in Asia for more than a decade, where spiritual practices and health and wellness are approached somewhat differently than in my home state (and present residence) of Wisconsin, USA.
In 2020 when Covid-19 hit and shut down the world, I awoke every morning one to two hours earlier than my husband and two children so that I could have a cup of tea, walk my dog, read, and write poetry or journal entries before I began my work day teaching on Zoom. I was incredibly grateful to have accumulated so many diverse and effective tools to keep me balanced, calm, and focused while much of the world seemed to be coming unhinged.
And Now
Every day I am grateful that I presently can take the time to enter a day communing with birds and chimes, then spend time reading and journaling, as well as practicing yoga, fascia flow, qigong, meditation or simply going for a walk in nature. And just last week I added a morning routine of aligning to peace while I play my gong. Life has brought me to a place where parenting hums in the background instead of the foreground (most days), the clock holds little power, and my creative flow emerges naturally interspersed with restoration or physical activity. Now I do those things that my heart calls me to do. (As a teacher I was at the bidding of my mind.) And my heart has called me to do beautiful things like write Life Cheat Sheets, work on a book, play a sound healing gong for others, mentor others on their life journey, and uplift a planet in love alongside an international community doing the same. These are things I could never have foreseen when I so innocently arrived on Korean soil with my family seeking greater balance.
What are your pillars? How do you find balance? What forms of self-care call to you?
Refuge
In the midst of autumn maples,
Their shimmering foliage like dying embers in the afternoon sun,
I seek refuge.
As dry leaves scatter like lost souls about me
And the solid, cold earth cradles me,
I seek asylum.
Never enough time! Never enough time!
I am an empty whisper yearning,
True North, renew me!
The honking of rowing geese overhead
And the river's steady canticles against the shore
Redeem me in their welcoming embrace.
The incense of pinecones, acorns, and fallen leaves
Infuse the early evening air,
Whole and sacred.
By Brenda Brayko
Formerly “Baptism” (2000)
Revised 2019
Click here for a Bonus Article. to my first series Adulting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents, “Before you Go” (3 of 12).
Next Up: With a Grateful Heart for the Energy Body
You can find all of my series in the archives:
Adulting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly
Me-Time: Self-care in the time of Covid
Reasons for Hope
From Fog to Flow
With a Grateful Heart
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Writer. Teacher. Gong Player.
Find more of my writing at GreenBaytoKorea.blogspot.com
Learn about my business at CelestialSoundGB.com
On Instagram @applebb09
All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022 unless otherwise credited.
Thanks a lot, Brenda! I cherish the memory of NDA!