With a Grateful Heart for Family Experiences
With a Grateful Heart (7 of 8)
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Like yours, our family has had it share of ups and downs. But perhaps what is different is that from 2010-2021 we lived those hills and valleys on the other side of the planet. Much of life consisted of the typical stuff - work, school, activities, cook, clean, do it all again. But, some of life allowed for traveling to various Asian and SE Asian countries (Sri Lanka, Thailand, Philippines, China, Japan, Malaysia, Vietnam and Cambodia amongst them). Some of life meant getting on and off planes, trains, metros, taxis, gondolas and tuk tuks and all the adventure that affords. Some of life was experiencing the beauty of nature far beyond the landscape of the Midwestern United States. Some of life was exchanging money in our heads from dollars to Korean won or Hong Kong dollars and back again. The list goes on.
And while each person in my family experienced life in their own way, we also experienced it together. And for that I am truly grateful. What follows are two previous blog entries in the final weeks before repatriating to the States. Perhaps it will offer just a little more insight into our expat years and invite you to muse about your own life’s journey.
March 12, 2021
In six months Alec will return to the school system from which he began his career in kindergarten. It is possible, even likely, that he will re-meet students who were in his class twelve years prior. How has his road diverged from theirs?
Alec and Adam are now third culture kids (TCKs). That is, their lives have been shaped by living outside of their passport country. In other words, they have lived away from home. What is the impact of this on those of similar stories? I invite you to read Third Culture Kids by David C. Pollack to learn more. I first read the book our first year abroad in 2010-11. At that point I was simply becoming informed of what my children might experience in life. In short, TCKs are on the whole more worldly, more flexible, adaptable, and able to make friends easily. They also tend to have more difficulties staying in relationships for the long haul or staying in one place for long. Military family’s kids have a similar profile.
First, living in Korea and Hong Kong has afforded our kids access to very different cultures than that of their parents who grew up in the Midwestern States of the US. For example, the ever-present Christian culture of Wisconsin has not been present for them. Instead, our children have been exposed to Buddhism, Hinduism, and local culture of sea gods and goddesses. They have passed by multitudes of temples or even individual alters burning incense and offering fruits.
They have encountered classmates and their families hailing from Southeast Asia, Europe, North America, and the Middle East. They have walked down streets hearing Korean or Cantonese or Mandarin or French or English. They have been afforded American-style educations, but from teachers hailing from Canada, Denmark, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, the US and Spain.
We are incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity of living and traveling abroad. Yes, our kids have experienced life far differently than we did at their age. They are now TCKs. Thank you, Asia, for bringing richness and experiences to their lives that are beyond measure.
Find the original article here at greenbaytokorea.blogspot.com.
Reflections on a Reflection
2012
"My kids are entering a pool at Laguna de Boracay, our resort for our Spring Break. We're in the Philippines for a second time in two years. The kids are pretending to be dolphins. They are playing well together - for the moment. They're just like any other kids, right?
"That depends on how you look at it. Many of their classmates from Green Bay will spend all of their growing up years in one community, or one state, or at least one country. They'll grow up seeing tons of American TV and commercials and magazines, be exposed to a culture that tells them to see the world and themselves in a certain way. Friday night football will be important. And cheeseburgers. And Packers. Body image. A "good job". Money. A big screen tv.
"At this point my kids at 8 and 10 have traveled to three countries and lived in two others (or 3, depending on which kid we're talking about). They're beginning to think that rice is preferable to mashed potatoes. That black hair and dark eyes is just as common as blond hair and blue eyes. And that riding a subway and living on the 15th floor is just fine. They go to a school with students who come and go, with friends who come and go, in a country that is and isn't theirs. They're learning that education is valued differently by their classmates here than in Green Bay."
2021
My kids live in two different countries. Adam is back in Green Bay, almost a year now of "adulting 101" under his belt. Alec is here in Hong Kong, a junior in high school with just one year remaining - a year he will complete back in Green Bay. They are just like any other kids, right?
That depends on how you look at it. Their classmates over the last decade hailed from all over the world. They shared in common the English language and an "American Style education." They share with their friends a sort of displacement (where is home, really?). Schoolmates' families valued education and pushed for college after high school. They heard many different languages, sometimes daily. They ate a variety of ethnic foods. Learned about world events - sometimes because they had "been there.” They understand apartment living (floor 15, then 23, then 7).
At this point my kids at 19 and 17 years old, have lived in three countries (or four countries for Adam who began life in Russia) and have travelled to fifteen countries. They definitely prefer rice over potatoes. To them black hair and brown eyes are common and blond hair and blue eyes are uncommon. They are far more comfortable on a subway or in a taxi than with the thought of learning to drive (neither drives yet). They have attended schools with friends that come and go (more going than coming). The countries they have lived in have felt like home more than their home country. In many ways, my kids’ worldviews are now more Eastern than Western.
Find the original article here at greenbaytokorea.blogspot.com
And Now
Believe it or not, our oldest Adam, has already added another country onto his list of countries of residence: born in Russia, adopted by Americans in USA, moved to Korea and then Hong Kong where he graduated high school, and returned to the US for two years before moving to Canada for school. He’s definitely an international mover and shaker - and only 21 years old! In the two years that Adam resided in Wisconsin while we were still abroad, he taught himself a good amount of Korea which he was able to use in Vancouver. He’s finding his way toward his dream. “The world is your oyster.”
Now 18, our youngest Alec still prefers rice to potatoes, maintains friendships online with people all over the earth, and has discovered he loves his International Relations class at university (go figure). And believe it or not, he has taught himself how to identify and name every country on the planet. Alec spent his senior year in high school in the same Wisconsin district that he attended kindergarten. He didn’t know or remember anyone, but some of his teachers actually remembered when he was born (his father had been their colleague at the time). As expected, he experienced culture shock - so many little things that “everyone knows or does” that he didn’t know or do.
If in the summer of 2009 you had suggested I would live, work, and travel in Asia for 11 years, I would have told you that you were cracked. The truth is, my husband and I didn’t even think of the idea until the fall of 2009 when it turned out he didn’t enjoy his new position at a new school. Somehow the idea of teaching internationally appeared out of nowhere. Just a few months later (by Oct. 31, 2009) we had been hired by Korea International School for the 2010-2011 school year. Life can do that - throw you unexpected opportunities thrusting you into a new direction. We, like all of you, are learning how to go with the flow more and more all the time. Every day truly is a new day dawning.
Feel free to leave a comment or questions. I’d love to hear about your adventures or unexpected turns on life’s path. Or if you are a TCK, how has it impacted you?
Click HERE for a bonus article: “From Fog to Flow,” my first article in the series From Fog to Flow.
Next up: With a Grateful Heart for Gratitudes
You can find all of my series in the archives:
Adulting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly
Me-Time: Self-care in the time of Covid
Reasons for Hope
From Fog to Flow
With a Grateful Heart
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Reference
Pollack, David C and Ruth E. Van Reken. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds. Third Edition. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2009.
Writer. Gong Player. Teacher.
Find more of my writing at GreenBaytoKorea.blogspot.com
Learn about my business at CelestialSoundGB.com
On Instagram @applebb09
All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022 unless otherwise credited.