What I Own and Owe
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Well (9 of 10)
Get Ready!
Welcome back to Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Well. This is the ninth article in a series of ten. As promised, we have dug deeper each week into vital information to share with your partner prior to your departure from this plane. This time we delve into exactly what you own and owe. Money can be a difficult topic to discuss with partners or children or other loved ones. I remember sitting down with my aging parents a few years ago to get the best picture I could regarding their properties, bank accounts, and investments. It wasn’t easy. My father was more open and my mother more resistant. But what a gift it was when they shared this information with one another and my sister and me. It amazes me that there are 80 billion dollars of unclaimed assets in the USA waiting for the rightful owners to step forward (Recordsfinder.com). Let’s avoid that by really digging into what we own, then sharing and organizing that information with our partners.Â
Likewise now is the time to take inventory of monthly bills such as utilities and credit cards or other creditors, if you have not already done so. Â
Get Set!
By now you know the drill. Print two copies of the worksheet and make a mutually agreed upon date with your partner. When you are both ready, get comfortable and begin. Plan for about 30 minutes with the potential for some homework, as well.Â
Go!
Take inventory of personal and joint assets. Make a list. Maybe you own a house or vacation property or other real estate or hidden treasures such as a storage unit or burial plots. Do you hold accounts at several banks? And what about investments? Life insurance plans? Or pension income? Certificates of deposit coming due?
Now look at your list. What do you own jointly? Individually? Are any assets held in a trust?Â
Are both partners aware of what and where all the assets are? Take this opportunity to get organized (or more organized). Each partner should know where the paperwork is located and how to access those accounts now or in the future. (I have provided a worksheet which may be useful. Just print or copy and save the Google doc by clicking the purple button.)
As far as banking goes, you may wish to avoid going through probate to access and close bank accounts after the death of a loved one. There are few ways to do that.Â
As far as banking goes, you may wish to avoid going through probate to access and close bank accounts after the death of a loved one. There are few ways to do that. (See link.)
A joint bank account where one owner passes away.
Accounts titled in a trust.
Payable on Death (POD) accounts.Â
The POD account is what I encouraged my parents to do as they each hold individual bank accounts. Now they have named one another as the primary beneficiary through filling out the POD paperwork at their banks. Those accounts will no longer need to go through probate to be accessible by the spouse.
In our case, my husband and I have a joint account which we are updating so that it is in the name of our trust. Yes, that means we needed to make an appointment with a bank representative and then will fill out some paperwork. This will be time and energy well-spent now to save headaches later. Â
Take inventory of debts. A brief list somewhere of the monthly and yearly recurring bills can be quite useful and handy both now and later. My husband has been the one to do this ever since we first married.
Once you talk this through, be sure to organize and follow through as needed. The worksheets provided may be of use.
Communication Tips
Tip 1: Express appreciation. While I may appreciate my husband every day, how often do I express it? Here is a gentle reminder to pause and think about just what you appreciate about your partner and then to actually tell them! (Or maybe leave a little note as a reminder.) Â
Tip 2: Patience is a virtue.  I find in life this one keeps coming at me over and over. Just when I think I have learned patience, another opportunity arises. Use this time and the week that follows to practice having patience. Perhaps you want answers or actions to happen quickly and they can’t or won’t. Offer grace and practice patience with yourself and your partner.Â
Tip 3: Here is a tip from my husband: Listen with the intent to understand rather than the intent to respond. This will help you be more present for your partner. Listening to understand places you in the moment and will allow you to truly connect with your partner. Listening to respond may mean you get too far ahead in the conversation in your mind, actually cutting off effective communication.Â