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The blare of a 6:30 am alarm wakes you. What follows is the usual scurrying to get ready for work while checking in with a partner or children only to make it to a work day that is full on. There’s not a moment’s rest until the drive home. You flop down on the seat, turn on the radio where cheerful DJ’s banter and play too many commercials, until you arrive at home. Now, you take one breath and dig into the rest of the day - checking messages on your phone, taking care of the household, checking in on sick parents or friends, finally watching some tv or videos with a loved one by your side until. . . bed time! If you are lucky, you can shut off your brain long enough to sleep.
If any of this seems familiar to your present life experience, then you may find yourself relieved to spend some attention this week turning down the noise as you shift “From Fog to Flow”. First, what even is “the noise” in your life? And second, how can you create time and space for a bit of quiet?
Identify the Noise
The noise for you may be very different from the noise for me. It could be literal or figurative or both. For our purposes screaming children, jackhammering, a television droning, neighbor’s muffled conversations through the walls can all be noise. So too can ad after ad after ad telling you to buy this or vote that way. These are literal noises that infuse themselves into our day at every turn. Much of it is beyond our control as it comes directly from our environment. The key here is discerning if and where you have control to create some literal quiet. Let’s take you back to that day I began with. Why not replace a blaring alarm with something more pleasant, like bird song or chimes? And when you get in the car, maybe pause before automatically turning on the radio. Would allowing for actual silence in the car be more calming and centering for you? Would it give you time to think or clear or center your mind? Or would instrumental music invite your blood pressure to settle? This week be open to trying different things and see what happens.
When our family moved into our present home a year ago, we made an intentional choice for our one and only television to be placed in the family room in the basement. In the living room next to our kitchen we have only a piano and a Home Pod speaker, so we can choose to listen to music or make music or we can sit and work in the calm and silence. But we don’t automatically have the sound of the television playing for those who aren’t interested in listening to it. Our place is literally far quieter than it was a decade ago when our children were younger and we had four televisions in our home with at least one of them almost always on.
I much prefer the quiet.
In recent years, much noise seems to be coming from the endless bad news, sad news, or upsetting news one hears on television, radio, or online. Take a moment to check yourself - is your engagement with news and the news cycle disrupting or enhancing your life? When and how much and how often do you receive news? When heaviness is in the air all about you, it might be challenging to realize that you are in this very moment in time perhaps just fine, even capable of joy and happiness. (You can read one of my poems about this by scrolling to the very end.) I like to limit my news consumption to 30 - 40 minutes most days. It keeps me in touch with what is happening locally, nationally, and internationally without bringing imbalance to my perceptions of goodness in the world. Be choosy what you tune into and for how long, and please realize that the algorithms of Youtube and Facebook only give you more of what you have already watched. It’s like a very loud echo chamber, so be sure to step into your actual life and look about you to decide just how much goodness YOU personally are experiencing.
Much has been written about the dangers of too much screen time. This goes for adults as much as children. One of the things lost when a smartphone comes out of the pocket is a moment of sheer boredom - empty mind. Boredom catalyzes creativity and thought. Ideas emerge from that silence. And so you can bet that the opposite is true. No silence, no boredom, no opportunity for new ideas, aha moments, deep insights, or creativity. So be aware this week of your phone and screen time. Allow for the silence to fill the vacuum and see what else emerges.
Do I have too much noise in my life?
The Noise Inside Your Head
Have you ever watched a five year old trying to decide whether or not to sneak a cookie? Couldn’t you so easily narrate what was going on in his head?
“A cookie! Yum!”
“Wait. Don’t just take the cookie. Ask if you can have a cookie.”“But nobody's watching. I could just take the cookie and no one would know.”
“But that would be stealing and stealing is wrong.”
What just happened? There were two voices in that little child’s head. His own and a parent’s voice.
Face it, over the course of a lifetime we have all accumulated the echoes of voices from significant people in our lives: parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, enemies, lovers.
I was much relieved several years ago when I finally read someone who acknowledged and explained the idea of such voices. Throughout our childhood and into adulthood significant figures in our lives say things that just stick. The voice of the parent cautioning, “Don’t climb too high, you might fall and hurt yourself” sticks and then shows up again when you are in your 30’s and bouldering for the first time. A statement that was meant to keep you safe now may keep you frightened from taking a reasonable risk. So the work becomes separating the noise of others’ voices from your own authentic Self.
Here are a few tips:
Know that you have an authentic You and that voice is speaking to you. That voice comes from a You who loves you very much. That voice won’t make you afraid or fearful, it won’t undermine or undercut you. It will only build you up. That voice has access to Truth with a capital T. It often speaks quietly and emerges from the silence.
Know that you have collected other voices. They are like echoes that show up. Sometimes they disrupt, interrupt, or butt in when they aren’t needed or aren’t productive. They can become the noise that makes it hard to hear and trust your Own Voice.
Know that with practice, awareness and growing discernment you can learn to identify whose voice is chiming in during your internal dialogues.
Eventually, as you begin to identify and trust Your own authentic voice, the others will quietly step aside.
Creating Time and Space for Quiet
If you have determined there is unwanted noise in your life then you might be ready to take action. For me, turning off the constant sound of televisions over a decade ago has turned into hundreds of hours of opportunities for other things: quiet reading, thinking or contemplation, prayer, puzzle time with the family, and generally, a less frazzled brain and slower heart beat. Turning off the radio for long stretches of car rides has allowed my creative ideas to emerge and led to significant moments of insight.
This week, why not identify a few moments each day that can be altered just a bit so that Quiet has time to settle over you? During the week, journal your experiment. At the end of the week see if you are feeling lighter. Here are a few ideas to get you going. (Read to the end for the journal prompt.)
Unplug the earbuds on your walk or run and listen to your environment.
Shut off “background” media at home, at work, or in the car.
Do a daily silent meditation practice by sitting silently in a quiet space for at least 3 minutes. Place your attention on your breath.
Communicate kindly to others if their noise level is disruptive and ask for a healthy adjustment.
Put away the smartphone entirely when you know it is simply a distraction.
Taking it to the Next Level: Contemplative Silence
What’s the big deal about silence anyway? The faithful and mystics of every tradition have valued silence. True silence allows for an opening of ourselves to The Mystery of God. It is in the silence that we pray. It is in the silence that we seek counsel from a higher Self or Source. It is in the silence that we can finally go inward enough to know ourselves. For more on this read Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation.
Ankle Deep
As I write this final paragraph I would like to invite you to join me where I am. I am seated in the backyard. The sun is low in the sky. The temperature is 79 degrees with a healthy, comfortable breeze that I can feel and hear. From time to time the trees get quite loud with their rustling. The low tones of our wind chime are above me. The neighborhood birds are chirping away in various bushes and trees. In the distance I can hear the sounds of traffic zooming by. A child is making happy noises a few doors down and a dog barks. It’s not quiet by any means, but it is calming and centering and void of much noise. May your endeavors this week to turn down the noise bring you ankle-deep into the flow of your life and farther away from the fog.
Reflection Prompt:
Goal: What noise would I like to turn down this week?
Log your daily progress for the next 7 days:
What change did you make today? How did it go? How did it make you feel?
At the end of the week, write one take-away from your experiences this week.
Next time: Clear the Clutter
You can find all of my series in the archives:
Parenting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly
Me-Time: Self-care in the time of Covid
Reasons for Hope
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Writer. Teacher. Gong Player.
Find more of my writing at GreenBaytoKorea.blogspot.com
Learn about my business at CelestialSoundGB.com
On Instagram @applebb09
All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022.
Bonus Poem:
The Sky is Falling
“The Sky is Falling! The sky is falling!”
The alarm sounds.
People scatter in fear.
Run. Hide. Anticipate the end.
“The sky is Falling! The sky is falling!”
Is it? Is it for me in the this very moment in time?
Well. . . no.
In this very moment I am well, safe, secure,
Sitting at Starbucks
Writing a poem in aircon
Breakfast in belly
Having had a good walk
Looking out the window
At beautiful blue water and clear skies of
Low hanging clouds
Listening to lounge music
snatching some time to myself
Calm and relaxed.
“The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”
Is it? Is it for them in this very moment in time?
Well. . . no.
They are sheltering in place at home
Employed or maybe
Unemployed or furloughed
Sick or well
Sleeping or waking
Sitting or standing
Breathing well or labored
Or with assistance
Saving a life or saying goodbye
Teaching a child or reading a book
Speaking with patience or frustration
Online or in line
Full or hungry
Here or there or nearly there
Allowing or resisting
Imagining or creating
Opening or stuck shut
Laughing or crying
Loved.
by Brenda Brayko
May 6, 2020
Such an important message, Brenda. I recognize and appreciate the quiet of our surroundings many times during the day, but particularly at night when I'm wakeful and in my early morning solitude with my pets and book. How privileged--but at least I don't take it for granted! "Quiet" is also turning down the volume on the constant inner dialogue and nothing has done that for me more effectively than the gong bath gift you gave us. Thank you.