The Potential for Hope

Reasons for Hope (1 of 11)

Brenda and Kylie perched on a mountain in Hong Kong, 2021.

An Introduction to Reasons for Hope

Pick any adventure story you like and there will come a point where the hero seems to be in such a sticky situation that all hope is lost. Take for instance, Odysseus, the classic Greek hero who at one point is stuck on an island by an alluring witch (and goddess) Circe who has turned his shipmates into pigs.  There seems no hope for his safe return to his wife and son many miles across the sea.  Or take hobbits Frodo and Sam in Lord of the Rings, watched by the fiery eye of Sauron while trying desperately to climb Mount Doom so they can throw the cursed and powerful ring into the depths of its volcano, in hopes of saving the world he knew.  

And so here we are - humanity at a crossroads.  There is so much change, so much challenge, so much disruption happening anywhere you turn.  It makes your head spin and maybe your stomach too.  It looks bleak. Nations have built walls or are engaging in war.  Climate disruption is undeniably creating stress on the environment and  humanity in numerous ways.  Covid has disrupted any system in society you would want to name - industry, government, commerce, finance, education, leisure, etc. And there are the personal mountains to climb, the personal storms, the personal obstacles to contend with.  If we are the heroes of our own stories, then, we may be at the point when we wonder if there is any hope.

In medias res

When you start reading a story in the heroic epic tradition, it generally starts in medias res.  That is, it begins “in the middle of things.”  Odysseus has already been away from home for 10 years and simply wishes to return after war with Troy.  Star Wars picks up at episode 4.  And Frodo picks up where Bilbo leaves off.

Think of a moment when you were in the middle of an adventure.  What did it look like and feel like at that point?  [Was it anything like the end of the adventure or epic?]

Moving

Moving day, April 2021.

Let me share two stories with you about being in the middle of something.  Anyone who has moved will recognize this.  In the middle of moving everything is a mess.  Boxes are everywhere.  Nothing is clean anymore, dust and dirt and grime are everywhere.  Odd belongings lie about with no particular home anymore.  You are eating off of old paper plates and using plastic ware because the usual dishes and silverware are in a box somewhere.  You are wearing clothes that don’t quite fit anymore because they are going to get thrown out in a few days or be given to Goodwill anyway, but they certainly aren’t going to be moved.  That’s what we experienced as we were in the middle of moving from Hong Kong to Wisconsin just about a year ago.  By the end, our apartment would be entirely empty, swept, and the garbage taken out.  But in the middle?  It was just a big moving mess.  Eventually, we would have another similar mess while in the middle of moving IN.  Boxes opened everywhere.  No counter space in the kitchen.  Dusty floors.  Where’s a towel to wipe my hands with, for goodness sake?  But, after a few weeks, everything has a home and looks and feels neat and tidy.  It’s just so crazy when you are in the middle of it!

One of the metaphors that has most helped me understand the times we live in is the metaphor of the move.  Humanity is indeed in the middle of something!  And while we are here, it is like new furniture is being moved in while the old still lingers, waiting to be taken away.  It is a mess and it feels mighty disorganized.  But it doesn’t mean all hope is lost.  It is just how it is when you are in the middle of a move. 

Shipment has left. Bare bones. 2021.

Now, for good measure, here’s another story.

Transitioning to Transgender

Brenda and Adam, 2021.

My family has been on a journey of integrating a transgender member for more than six years now.  At this point our son has had an official name change and two critical surgeries as well as hormones to help him transition from female to male.  And in this moment our family and extended family are used to the new pronouns, and different wardrobes and different public restroom choices our son makes.  And in this moment, I am grateful for my son’s transition and how much more happy and stable it has made him.  I have love and peace in my heart.

If I could tell my Me of four years ago one thing it would be, “Don’t give up HOPE.”

But that was not true in the middle of things.  In the middle stage I had no idea how he would feel now, how much happier and adjusted he would be.  I had no idea how he would carry himself or deal with people who misgendered him.  I had no idea how I would feel.  I had no idea that I could feel peace and gratitude and love for my child as a son.  In the middle stage, I was in the middle of a big mess!

At that time, there were too many unknowns.  Too much anxiety.  There was depression and anger to deal with.  And physical illnesses.  There were changing belief systems and attitudes.  New wardrobes to buy.  Doctors to find and see and make appointments with.  Doctors to pay out of pocket.  There was a school to educate and inform.  There was a son to comfort and another son to take care of.  There were daily urgent pleas for surgery that my husband and I couldn’t and didn’t want to arrange - yet.  There were more questions than answers and there was a LOT to learn.  There was so much catching up to do (for your trans child is always weeks to months ahead of you in their understandings and desires).  And there was the running of the household and work to juggle, too.  It all seemed huge and messy.  And it stretched me and stretched me until I didn’t know if, like a rubber band, I would snap or simply go flying.

So if you ask the Me from four years ago how it is to be the parent of a trans kid, my answer would be far different than the answer I would give today.  Back then I would have used words like difficult, confusing, loss, and worry.  

Today I would use words like growth and gratitude, love and acceptance. Today I think differently.  I see the world differently.  I understand my child differently.  I understand myself differently.  I understand the whole idea of “transgender” differently.   

If I could tell my Me of four years ago one thing it would be, “Don’t give up HOPE.”

The Potential for Hope

In that moment, when everything is falling apart, the hero or heroine seems destined to fail.  Fate and all the forces of evil have conspired against them.  And YET, something happens.  Sometimes it has to do with the wit or cleverness of the hero.  Sometimes it has to do with a change in circumstance.  Sometimes, someone else suddenly comes to their aid.  In any case, just when all hope is gone, it appears again out of nowhere.  The story continues.  And, if we are working with a classic tale of a hero’s journey, then one thing will lead to another until our hero or heroine arrives victoriously back at home, having conquered all obstacles.

So while the possibility for hope was bleak, the POTENTIAL was there all along.

Come journey with me for the following ten weeks as I explore hope in my series “Reasons for Hope.”  Along the way I will share what I have learned, what I am learning, what I believe and what I know.  

I will ask you to be open to the potential for hope.  I will challenge you to make empowering choices.  I will encourage us all to change and alter the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.  I will guide you to re-see your self, your Self, and humanity as a unified whole.  Along the way I will share some personal stories, some spiritual traditions, some science, and maybe throw in some esoteric stuff for good measure.  And finally, as my good friend Larry would say: I will ask you to “not give up five minutes before the miracle.”

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Next up: From the Mud Comes the Lotus

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You can find my other series “Parenting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents,” “Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly” and “Me-Time 101: Self-care in the time of Covid” in the archives.

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Brenda Brayko

Writer. Teacher. Gong Player.

Find more of my writing at GreenBaytoKorea.blogspot.com

Learn about my business at CelestialSoundGB.com

On Instagram @applebb09

All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022.