How to Use Parent Cheat Sheets and Coupons
Welcome back to “Adulting 101: A Gift from Your Parents” coupons. Here I guide you through how to talk about one coupon for each week as you prepare to transition your young adult out of the home and into the world. Grab a coffee or a tea, take three deep breaths, and shelter 10 minutes of your time as we tackle “The Day to Day” together.
If you’ve not already found and printed the 12 coupons to give to your child, you can do that, too. Just download the coupons here or by clicking on the purple button “Free Coupons”. (Note that the QR Codes on the coupons will take you to this newsletter’s URL so you have easy access to your Parenting Cheat Sheets.)
Print them.
Gift them!
Prepare.
The Flow of the Lessons
Each lesson is intended to have an easy flow. It might go like this:
Your young adult hands you the coupon they wish to redeem, with (hopefully) 48 hours notice so you can be fully and completely attentive to the shared 45-minute-or-so session.
You agree on the time, date and place to meet.
You spend time preparing by reading or re-reading the associated post provided here!
You meet with your transitioning adult, enjoying time together as you discuss the chosen coupon’s focus.
Cheat Sheet Tips
Tip 1: Put away the distractions. One of the best things you can do to improve communication is to put away or pause any distraction while you are speaking to your child. I made this commitment to myself when my children were rather young - no phone, no newspaper, no pile of papers to mark, no television program or other conversation would distract me when my child wanted to talk. (Today’s technology has made this possible - just silence the phone, pause the TV.) Consistently putting away distractions and putting full attention on your child can be difficult, however. But the payoffs are huge in that your child knows they are truly the center of your attention when you are talking with them. Consistent good listening leads to more effective communication and stronger relationships.
“Talking about his passion puts him at ease and opens the door to talking about other matters. It also lets him know that I care about him because I value what he cares about.”
Tip 2: Before you jump into a targeted topic, like today’s coupon “The Day to Day”, begin with small talk that your child would care about. For example, I know my senior is far more interested in talking about his gaming life than his school life. So a good question about what he has been playing lately, who the friends are that he is playing with, or what his recent successes have been will launch him into regaling stories of his recent gaming adventures. While I know nothing about these worlds myself, I always learn a little bit more. Talking about his passion puts him at ease and opens the door to talking about other matters. It also lets him know that I care about him because I value what he cares about.
Tip 3: Not too much or too little. How much detail is too much detail to go into when talking about “The Day to Day” or any other topic? It is important to remember you are laying the groundwork for future conversations as well as seeking to impart your knowledge and wisdom to your child before they leave the home. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get it all figured out in this single 45-minute session with your transitioning adult. If your child feels heard, you feel connected, and you have accomplished a few key decisions together, that is a win! So what if there is unfinished business? In the end, creating the foundations for a stronger, more open relationship with mutual benefit to you each is more important than truly mapping the future day to day life of your child.
Cheat Sheet for Coupon “The Day to Day”
Imagining a daily routine
Routines take a while to create. Ask your child: What about their present daily routine do they like and wish to recreate if possible? What changes would they like to make? How might having a roommate influence a daily routine? How would a school schedule influence their routine? Might there be various daily routines depending on the day of the week? (I remember loving Wednesday mornings because I could sleep in during my first year of college.). They should know to be easy on themselves while adjusting to and creating a new routine; it takes time and attention - even months before you feel like you are in a groove.
Imagining a weekly and monthly routine
Will there be monthly bills to pay? If so, what kind and when and how will they be paid?
How often do you wish your child to connect with you - daily? Weekly? Monthly?
What sorts of things do they do on a weekly or monthly basis now? Will those activities continue? Do they envision additions or deletions or modifications to these routines? (For example, when I moved from one city to another my weekly routine changed from hiking on Saturdays to biking or walking on Saturdays, due to the new environment. However, I still wanted to exercise outdoors.)
Keeping a calendar
If your child has not yet been faithful to keeping a calendar, now would be a good time to talk through that. What sort of calendar will they use? What goes on their calendar? (deadlines, engagements, reminders?) Do they need help learning how to use the calendar? (I use Google calendar but also find a desk calendar or wall calendar very helpful. The key is using it!)
Finishing Well
Remember to thank your young adult for deciding to cash in on the “day to day” coupon. Don’t worry if you don’t get a “thank you” from them (although it is always gratifying if you do.) Your time has not been wasted! Recognize the value in any time you connect with your child in conversation which respects and honors who they are as a human being and emergent adult. Tell them that you look forward to another conversation on another coupon - next week, next month, even a few days from now.
I've already printed them out and handed them to my senior. What an amazing idea. Thanks Brenda!