Open-ended
How to Use Parent Cheat Sheets and Coupons
It amazes me to think that it is already November. As a mother of a senior that means the year will go more quickly than I can imagine - Thanksgiving, Christmas, college apps and visits, Spring Break and then graduation. Bang bang bang. And somehow, too, I am writing my twelfth and final article for Parent Cheat Sheets. I hope you have enjoyed the series, learned valuable things through the topics and tips, and have strengthened your relationship with your young adult. (Stay tuned to the end where I will announce the next series.)
In this final article I will recap the previous Cheat Sheet Tips as well as provide a bit of guidance on the coupon topic “Open-ended Topic.”
If you’ve not read the prior articles, you may wish to circle back for helpful instruction on each of the coupons as well as explanations for the Cheat Sheet Tips that will guide your toward effective communication with your loved one. Remember to actually gift the coupons (click the purple button for access to printable coupons) at any time ; there’s no time like the present.
The Flow of the Lessons
Each lesson is intended to have an easy flow lasting about 45 minutes. It might go like this:
Your young adult hands you the coupon they wish to redeem, with (hopefully) 48 hours notice so you can be fully and completely attentive to the shared 45-minute-or-so session.
You both agree on the time, date and place to meet.
You spend time preparing by reading or re-reading the associated post provided on the website (brendabrayko.substack.com)
You meet with your transitioning adult, enjoying time together as you discuss the chosen coupon’s focus.
Cheat Sheet for “Open-ended” Coupons
There are actually two coupons titled “Open-ended”. Your child, then, has two opportunities to choose what they wish to discuss with you.
Once your child requests to redeem an open-ended topic coupon, you may wish to find out the topic prior to your “date.” This may give you a bit of time to think about the topic and prepare in some way. However, keep in mind it is fine to “wing it” too, if they are not sure of the topic yet.
Recognize that if your child is redeeming an “open-ended” coupon, they may have something quite specific they wish to discuss.
Recognize equally, that your child may not have any idea what they wish to discuss, but none of the other coupons are calling to them just now. Either way, the value is in talking to each other and having quality time together.
If you have other specific topics you wish to cover, perhaps request a separate and/or additional time to meet.
Recognize that if your child is redeeming an “open-ended” coupon, they may have something quite specific they wish to discuss.
Catalog of the prior 27 Cheat Sheet Tips
Note: These are all of the tips provided throughout the series in one easy place for your convenience. See prior articles for full explanations of each tip.
“Hopes and Dreams”
Add your own special sauce
Give your entire attention
Use the coupon to guide the discussion
“Before you Go”
Practice paraphrasing
Practice non-reactivity
Don’t look at them
“When you Arrive”
Ask questions
Your child is not you
Carry your own backpack
“Money Matters”
Timing matters
Create and exit strategy
Flexibility versus rigidity
“The Day to Day”
Put away the distractions
Begin with small talk
Not too much or too little
“What’s your Question?
Withhold judgment
Presume positive intent
Identify the underlying emotion
“Your Support Network”
Circling back
Recognize their organizational strengths and weaknesses
Express gratitude
“What if?
Don’t pretend to know something you don’t
Don’t gloss over difficult truths
Tell them you are proud of them
“CU!”
Hold back
Four dangerous words: I think you should
Listen to your best Inner Self
Finishing Well
Hopefully your time discussing the “Open-ended” topic will be time well spent connecting with your loved one. Be intentional about how you wish this discussion to feel for both you and your child by the time you are finished so that you can land it well. Thank them for choosing to redeem a coupon and for spending time with you.