How to Use Parent Cheat Sheets and Coupons
You’ve decided to gift your young adult with “Adulting 101: A Gift from Your Parents” coupons. Fantastic! This series of 10 lessons will assist you as you equip your loved one with the life skills they need to transition out of the home and into the next chapter of their life. What follows are tips and step by step instruction for how to prepare for a 45 minute conversation with your child on the topic “Money Matters.” Note that there are printable coupons for you to gift your child in order to get the ball rolling.
If you are a parent of a senior in high school who will be graduating in May, you may wish to gift this in the end of the first semester or beginning of the second semester to allow plenty of time for all of the coupons to be used.
First, download the coupons here. (Note that the QR Codes on the coupons will take you to this newsletter’s URL so you have easy access to all the available Parenting Cheat Sheets.)
Next, print them.
Next, gift them!
Now, prepare.
The Flow of the Lessons
I have been a high school English teacher by trade for over 30 years. Essentially, you have at your fingertips a lesson plan, or better yet a cheat sheet, useful for guiding your child gracefully from the passage of living their final year at home to being out on their own. Each lesson has a flow.
Your young adult hands you the coupon they wish to redeem, with (hopefully) 48 hours notice so you can be fully and completely attentive to the shared 45-minute-or-so session.
You agree on the time, date and place to meet.
You spend time preparing for the “lesson” by reading the associated post provided here!
You meet with your transitioning adult, enjoying time together as you discuss the chosen topic.
Cheat Sheet Tips
Tip 1: Timing matters. Timing of the discussion and follow up conversations can be important to the success of your time spent together. All of us have “had a bad day” and then found it nearly impossible to concentrate or even provide loving support to someone around us. I have found the success of important or even difficult conversations can depend on my own sense of calm, centeredness, and readiness. So when your child indicates they are wishing to meet with you about a particular coupon, be sure you schedule a time together that works for both of you. What time of day works best? What day of the week? For me, Saturday mornings were the most relaxed and leisurely, so I liked to set up the special one-on-one time with my son then. If you need to reschedule because the timing isn’t right for one of you, do so.
Tip 2: Today’s topic has to do with money. You’ve been supporting your child financially for a very long time. Thank goodness adulthood arrives and that financial responsibility disappears at some point. How and when the baton will be passed? Now? Later? Gradually over the next 6 months, year, or four years, more? If you and a partner need to make financial decisions such as these together, be sure to discuss today’s topic prior to the talk with your child. Ideally parents or guardians will land on the same page and that is what can be communicated to the transitioning adult. You might also consider if there are some things that you are prepared to pay for and other things you are not prepared to pay for. Be sure to think about how best to communicate this clearly and lovingly to your child. In any case, create an exit strategy for your financial responsibilities to your child.
“ It is our flexibility which ultimately aids our children to transition well.”
Tip 3: Flexibility versus rigidity. When children are young we set rules for their safety and learning. We “know best” (or probably know best). But as our child grows into into an adult, they need to begin listening to their own instincts, creating their own sense of self, and trusting themselves. When there is a clash of ideas or beliefs or approaches to something, as a parent it is easy to react with the classic “because I said so” (ie. rigidity). However, it is our flexibility which ultimately aids our children to transition well. “Is there merit to my child’s argument? What really is their argument? Is there any harm in them trying it their way and falling short? Will natural consequences teach them what they need to know just as well or better as my consequences?” These are the kinds of self-talk that can lead to more flexibility and less rigidity. In my own relationship with my children, I have found that halting the “because I said so” response and pausing to wonder what is best for their learning and growth has resulted in much stronger relationships with my children, fewer arguments, and their ever-growing confidence and independence.
Cheat Sheet for Coupon “Money Matters”
Reviewing what they know
Even though you may think you know what your child knows about money and managing money, begin with questions and see what they tell you. Who is financing them during their transition (months to years)? Who is making the big decisions? The every-day decisions? Spending, saving, and giving may all be a part of your personal values. How does your child perceive these? What capacity do they have to engage in each? How much independence will they have in this area? Have they begun building good credit? Do they know what that means?
Budgeting
Help your child build a monthly budget template. Think through their total income and the nature of the expenses they will or may incur. Be open about where money will and will not be coming from so that the budget can be realistic. Recognize that conditions may change upon arrival and talk through contingencies.
Banking
If your child doesn’t yet have a bank account, consider making a plan together to secure one. Do they need a checking account? Savings account? ATM card? Check book? Do they know how to write out a check?
Balancing your credits and deficits
If needed, illustrate on paper what sorts of things constitute as credits (income from a job, work study, gifts, allowance) and what are deficits (utility bills, tuition, other payments, rent, purchases)
If needed, help your child understand what it is to be overdrawn and the penalties.
See what further questions your child has.
If appropriate, suggest they take an accounting course or introduce them to useful programs online for keeping track of a budget.
Credit Cards
Does your child already have a credit card? When do they need to think about getting one? What are the advantages and disadvantages to having a credit card of their own? Do they know how credit cards work? If you need to research more the benefits and drawbacks of credit cards, do so ahead of time. Think back to your own story? What lessons regarding credit cards and creating good credit could you share?
Finishing Well
Talking about money matters can be difficult to do gracefully. Chances are the 45 minute session you have will only touch the tip of the iceberg. Finishing well can be the key to future discussions about money together. Your ability to be prepared ahead of time with an exit strategy, then to have a well-timed discussion, while being flexible in your expectations regarding money and finances, can make all the difference. What a gift to your child it is to talk rationally and openly about money in a way that benefits them and you. Be sure to say “thank you” to them for their courage and willingness to redeem this coupon, to spend valuable spend with you, and to connect with you.