Me-time to open the heart
Me-time 101: Self-care in the time of Covid (9 of 11)
Welcome back!
Many of the articles in this series, “Me-time 101,” have focused on grounding and centering you in the present moment as a means to reconnect your body, mind, and spirit for better balance. In many cases the benefits of the techniques I have provided have been to reduce the stress and anxiety that you may feel. In this article the focus is somewhat different. Here we move to the opening of the heart. The heart often symbolizes love and connection. During the Covid-19 pandemic, many of us have been isolated literally and figuratively. As humans, our natural state is to be in community and to be connected in loving, supporting relationships where we both give and receive. When we are cut off from love or cut ourselves off from love, in essence we are creating a heart wall (Nelson, Chap. 8). When your heart is open you feel light, warm, connected and loved. When your heart is closed you feel lonely, disconnected, heavy, flat, or depressed or angry.
During the course of our lives heavy or darker emotions can get stuck in our bodies. Over time, these stuck emotions can create dis-ease (disease). So awareness of your emotions and your heart is important for your body as well as your emotional health. In fact, opening a closed heart can change your entire life. Laughter, joy, wonder, gratitude and love are signs of an open heart. If you are reading this and realizing you haven’t been experiencing nearly enough laughter, joy, wonder, gratitude or love - read on. In no way would I propose that this one article will change your life, but you may discover something or some things that resonate with you here to help you on your journey. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Imagine a figure 8. Imagine you are at the very center of that 8. Imagine there is an energy that moves and traces this figure eight, this infinity sign. Notice how the energy moves out, around, and back to the center (you) then out and around in the other direction and back again. This outward, inward movement indicates much of how we optimally operate. In order to get energy, we give energy. Send. Receive. Send. Receive. Now bring to mind your own life right now. Is there a flowing energy of giving and receiving? Or are you stuck giving, giving, giving? Or are you taking, taking, taking? Or does there seem to be no momentum at all? Much of what we will cover here will contain researched, viable ways to bring back that flow of inward, outward energy to and from the heart.
Gratitude
Believe it or not, gratitude has now been researched. What it is exactly, its benefits on the body and mind, and ways to practice it have all been tackled scientifically (See Templeton Foundation). The good news is that practicing gratitude can bring greater happiness, lower depression, and help lower inflammation in the body. And it isn’t hard to do! This is one of the best “bang for your bucks” if you ask me. Building a daily gratitude practice could be as simple as saying or thinking three things you are grateful for as you wake in the morning or before you drift off to sleep. It can be a moment of silent, sincere, prayerful gratitude before meals. Or it can mean keeping a gratitude journal.
One of my long-time friends and I have been exchanging gratitudes for well over a year now; it is our form of gratitude journal. I seek to do this every day. I have noticed that my ability to be grateful comes very easily now. And, in fact, I find myself being grateful throughout the day without even thinking about it. For me gratitude has shifted from a practice to a habit to a disposition. Along with it has come much less anger and frustration with people and situations. Here is a poem that captures some of my daily gratitudes.
Daily Gratitudes: Love, always Love
Monday
Today I am grateful for the dance, the song, the play
that is this life lived.
For the release of the old and the dawn of the new.
And for love, always love.
Tuesday
Enough to eat.
Enough to do.
Enough to read and write.
Enough to learn.
Every day -
Love, always love.
Wednesday
For Another day as me figuring out this life thing,
creating from a sea of possibilities.
For all my teachers and fellow travelers along the way.
For Love as the unifying factor.
All is love.
Thursday
An intention:
On this day I choose to be a calm and loving energy
for myself and others for my good and the good of all.
I know who I am. I know what I am. I know how I serve.
Friday
For the gentle moments,
the joyous moments,
the neutral moments,
the synchronous moments,
the laughing moments,
the cathartic moments and
the moments in between.
Love, always love.
Saturday
For a good night’s sleep,
unexpected laughter, a cuppa,
a cool breeze on a light walk.
For a slow, tender Saturday morning.
For choosing love, not fear.
Always love, love.
Sunday
For another day as me,
in this body with these people at this moment.
For knowing the divine in all.
For teachers and guides both here and beyond.
For love, always love.
-Brenda Brayko
Gratitude Journal
Get a journal.
Choose a consistent time of day to practice gratitude.
Write at least 3 things you are grateful for, even if it is simple.
After one week (one month, etc), check-in with yourself. How is this practice impacting your mind and heart?
Loving-Kindness Meditation
Another amazing high yield with little commitment is daily practice of a loving-kindness meditation. I first encountered this particular type of guided meditation when on retreat some years ago. I was amazed at the simultaneous simplicity and depth of it. This meditation truly opens your heart toward yourself and others. Typically the meditation moves either from centering upon the self and then outward or, if one finds it difficult to love oneself then from out and back to you. Generally speaking, you are sending blessings of well-being, happiness, safety, peace and love to the various recipients during the meditation. There is a lovely 20-minute version here you can access:
Or, you may use the meditation below. The important factor here is committing to use this meditation daily. The more you engage with it, the more the emotion and spirit of it become real for you. In other words, the more your heart opens over time.
Loving-kindness meditation
Place your attention and intention on YOURSELF and say: May I be well. May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be loved.
Place your attention and intention on A LOVED ONE and say: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be loved.
Place your attention and intention on AN ACQUAINTANCE and say: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be loved.
(This is the challenging one.) Place your attention and intention on SOMEONE YOU DISLIKE and say: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be loved.
Place your attention and intention on ALL HUMANITY and say: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be loved.
Place your attention and intention on ALL CREATURES and say: May you be well. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be loved.
In fact, in Johan Hari’s book Lost Connection, he goes into some depth about the profound change he witnessed in a friend who, it turns out, transformed her disposition and life by consistently practicing a loving-kindness meditation. He then goes on to explain the research that has been done on its effectiveness (Chapter 20). He uses the term “sympathetic joy” when describing the psychological effects of loving-kindness.
Service to others
It may seem counter-intuitive, but quality me-time can be time spent in service to others. Using some of your personal time each week or month for serving others can actually affect your social, mental and cognitive wellness. In fact, an article in American Psychologist explains how service to others is one of several lifestyle factors that has been “significantly underestimated” in this regard. By its very nature most service to others costs nothing. It’s a win-win situation! I have participated in a wide variety of service opportunities over the years. Presently I am playing gong meditations for a non-profit organization twice a month, Hope Chats; their clientele are supporting each other in recovery. When I lived in Seoul, I taught English to North Korean women refugees twice a month with a group of native English speakers and native Korean speakers. I have also had opportunities for service trips to Kolkata, India and Cambodia working with women and children. In all cases, I can say I have benefited greatly from my service work and the relationships that I formed. Service can be a very heart-opening experience, benefiting both the giver and the receiver.
Laughter
When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? Do you remember how great you felt afterward? How light and happy you felt? You had experienced an open heart! Laughter is a strange thing. Sometimes it sneaks up on you in a very unexpected moment. Other times you can seek it out by watching or reading something you know to be humorous. And, believe it or not, you can just LAUGH. The benefits of laughter have even been scientifically proven to reduce blood pressure, decrease anxiety and depression, improve memory, boost the immune system and reduce pain (Guideposts). There is actually a movement in which an instructor guides you through a laughing activity until you find yourself belly laughing - and smiling and healing and generally opening your heart. Just look for Laughter Yoga online and see what you find. What a kick! I also enjoy Dry Bar Comedy, which is available as an app, online, and on TV.
Laugh a little
Watch a funny video or show.
Hang out with friends who make you laugh.
See a comedy show in person.
Attend a laughter yoga class.
Before you Go
Using me-time to connect deeply with yourself and others can be quite transformative. Opening the heart can bring joy, wonder, connection, and boundless love into one’s life. But if that is not already your present state of being, it takes time and commitment and intentional practice to get there.
For those deeply suffering and feeling closed off, there are other, more intense, non-traditional ways to approach opening the heart. One way is to work with chakras - the heart chakra in particular. Another way is to work with an applied kinesiologist or Emotion Code practitioner to break down your heart-wall. If you would like to understand the heart-wall better, I recommend reading The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson. There are even Emotion Code practitioners who can work with you remotely.
Whatever you choose to do, any energy you put toward opening your heart is well worth it for yourself and those around you.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
Resources
Hari, Johann. “Chapter 20.” Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2018.
“Guided Meditation to Open your Heart Chakra and Connect to Loving Kindness / Mindful Movement,” The Mindful Movement. Youtube, Jan 23, 2017.
Meadows-Fernandez, Rochaun. “5 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Laughter,” Life Advice, 16 May, 2017. Guideposts.
Nelson, Bradley, Dr. “The Walls Around Our Hearts: Chapter 8,” The Emotion Code, St. Martin’s Essentials, 2019.
“The Science of Gratitude White Paper,” Templeton Foundation. https://www.templeton.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Gratitude_whitepaper_fnl.pdf
Bonus laughter with Ellen:
Next up: Me-Time for your Spirit
You can find my other series “Parenting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents” and “Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly” in the archives.
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Brenda BraykoWriter. Teacher. Gong Player.
Find more of my writing at GreenBaytoKorea.blogspot.com
Learn about my business at CelestialSoundGB.com
On Instagram @applebb09
All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022.
Brenda! Omg. On my website I have these three practices: meditation, metta-mediation and gratitude. Lately I realize how you can get to the vibration of love via gratitude--very powerful! And laughter. Sometimes at night I just watch stand up comedians on Netflix. My favorites are Jim Gaffigan and Nate Bargatze. HIlarious. There are many wonderful comedians these days. The older I get the more laughter seems priceless.