Hopes and Dreams Revisited
Hopes and Dreams Revisited
Series: "Adulting 101 Cheat Sheets" (11 of 12)
How to Use Parent Cheat Sheets and Coupons
Welcome to the 11th of a twelve part series intended to assist you as you prepare your young adult to transition out of the home. It’s November and May isn’t that far away now. I will be gifting my high school senior these very coupons which I have named “Adulting 101: A Gift from your Parents” as one of his Christmas presents. Perhaps you will do the same. What follows are tips and tricks for how to prepare for the lesson “Hopes and Dreams Revisited”.
First, download the gift coupons here. (Note that the QR Codes on the coupons will take you to this newsletter’s URL so you have easy access to your Parenting Cheat Sheets.)
Next, print them.
Next, gift them!
Now, prepare.
The Flow of the Lessons
With over thirty years of teaching experience, my hope is these lessons will provide an foundational cheat sheet to you as parents so that you may guide your young adult gracefully from the passage of living their final months at home to being out on their own. I would suggest this flow:
Your young adult hands you the coupon they wish to redeem, with (hopefully) 48 hours notice so you can be fully and completely attentive to the shared 45-minute-or-so session.
You agree on the time, date and place to meet.
You spend time preparing for the “lesson” by reading the associated post provided here!
You meet with your transitioning adult, enjoying time together as you teach the chosen lesson.
Cheat Sheet Tips
Tip 1: One of the strategies teachers use is a conscious awareness and use of their proximity from students in order to influence behaviors. This awareness is generally quite useful in any situation of communication, however. For example, if you stand over someone who is seated, it gives the impression that you are more powerful than they are, but if you sit beside them it implies you are more equal. Likewise someone who is farther away from you feels less connected to you than someone nearby (or even snuggled under the same blanket). You can use this knowledge to your advantage as you interact with your child. Walking beside or sitting beside them sends the message you are interested in partnerning more than power. If you are calm and relaxed and genuinely happy to be with them in this moment, your close proximity may invite them to open up honestly with you.
Tip 2: The flip side of judgment is curiosity. Personally, I have found that my daily interactions with friends and strangers alike has become more satisfying and less stressful when I learned how to be more curious. Instead of judging the driver of the car who cuts me off and immediately becoming angry, I can simply inquire, “I wonder what caused them to make that choice.” Taking that principle into interactions with our child can be quite fruitful. How might you be more curious during your Adulting 101 session on “Hopes and Dreams Revisited”? See if you can elicit WHY your child is feeling the way they do as they respond. Be curious about WHY they are altering certain plans or timelines.
“Be curious about WHY they are altering certain plans or timelines.”
Tip 3: It is quite likely you are already aware of the importance of body language when communicating. It may be easy to read and interpret others - that scowl or smile, slumped shoulders or alert posture says it all. Now think about your own body language. Are your arms folded (closing you off from the conversation) or at your side or in your pockets (opening you to the conversation)? Are you eyes smiling and encouraging? Do you nod your head in agreement or empathy showing you are engaged and interested? Is there anything you can or should adjust in your unspoken communication which will help you to connect effectively to your loved one?
Cheat Sheet for “Hopes and Dreams Revisited”
Reflections
`The idea of this session is to put closure on all the previous sessions and for your loved one to re-focus on the hopes and dreams of their future.
You and your child have no doubt had a long journey together; take some time to revel in the accomplishments of the past weeks or months that you have spent talking through the various subjects of Adulting 101 Coupons.
What is your child proud of throughout this process? Ask and find out. Be sure to tell them what YOU are proud of as well.
Ask your young adult to articulate, if they can, how they presently see their future hopes and dreams.
Adjustments
This is a good time to see if there are any immediate adjustments needed to any of the plans, planning, calendars, or tasks you have developed over the prior weeks or months.
It is also a good time to specifically allow space for plans to change in the future. No future is cut in stone; we all benefit from being given the space and freedom to change plans when needed. Hearing “it’s okay if your plans change” from your parent can take a weight off of one’s shoulders.
Finishing Well
Hopefully your time discussing the “Hopes and Dreams Revisited” will be time well spent adjusting and reflecting plans with your child. To finish well, give them a high five or a hug or say an “I love you”. Don’t forget to ask if they would like to redeem another coupon soon.