Hello, Pain-body. Now go away.
Riffs on Wisdom Teachings (3 of 10)
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Do you ever get the feeling there is an awful lot of crazy out there? Does the sudden appearance of irritation, impatience, a somber mood, a desire to hurt, anger, rage, depression, or a need for drama appear in yourself or others? I don’t particularly care for the terminology “being a Karen,” but that might sum it up.
I can’t even begin to imagine how many times I just shake my head in disbelief. “What in the world are those people thinking?” I mutter. (Or, in my more self-aware moments: “What in the world was I thinking?”)
Well, let’s put a pause on that response for the duration of this article just long enough to widen our perspective. Let’s pause our judgement of others and self to scratch below the surface with the help of one of my favorite founts of wisdom: Eckhart Tolle.
Tolle calls this burst of negative energy the pain-body. Personally, I am forever grateful for his wisdom teaching on the pain-body as found in the Power of Now, first in print in 1999, and a #1 New York Times best-seller with more than 5 million copies sold. Tolle’s wisdom has transformed countless lives, mine included.
I first read this book in 2008 and then again in 2016. If you have been reading Life Cheat Sheets for any length of time you will no doubt recognize Tolle’s name as I have referred to it often. As you might expect from a book entitled The Power of Now, the author literally teaches readers about the power of the present moment, including its power to dissolve one’s pain-body.
Enter: The Pain-body
Here is a hypothetical illustration of how the pain-body works. Let’s say a person was hurt emotionally by someone, maybe hurt by their parent who had literally abandoned the family when they were young.
Now let’s say that many years have past. This child is now an adult building a promising romantic relationship. Then one day that person hears (quite innocently), “Don’t worry. I’d never leave you.” Immediately that echo from the past over takes their body. They shiver, start sweating and all they want to do is get the heck out of there. They suddenly doubt this relationship, even wondering if they should end it.
What happened? They were triggered by a past experience and a past emotion that simply had never left their mind or body all that time. This residual pain, is what Tolle calls the pain-body. Tolle explains:
This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It’s the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it. (p. 36)
Let’s take a closer look at what Tolle is talking about and what to do about it.
The pain-body as entity
The pain-body can be quite tenacious and ugly. Who amongst us hasn’t had those moments when you simply “turn into someone else.” That ugly version of you (or your loved-one, friend or co-worker)? That’s the pain-body emerging from its dormancy. Something triggered it and suddenly it was there. Often it comes out as anger that’s looking for a fight. With your calmer observer-self, you can think back on such a moment and realize, “That’s me but not me at the same time.” Or, “That’s them but not them.” Tuck that bit of wisdom away. The pain-body exists in nearly everyone and it’s “like an invisible entity in its own right.”
The emotional pain-body as negative energy field
Consider that you consist of both matter and energy. Given that you are made of energy itself (science is pretty clear about that!) energy has its own way of operating. Low energy, high energy. Bad vibes, good vibes. Up, down. Receptive, resistant. All of these are apt descriptors for our energy. Well, emotions themselves are energetic in nature. And something that was quite mind-blowing to me is that emotions can either be properly digested as they interact with our bodies, or not. Stored negative emotions rest in our very cells and can be quite destructive. Scientists are now more certain than ever that there is a connection between negative emotions and disease. Think about it! Disease = Dis + ease (lack of ease; without ease). So, the pain-body is a negative energy field that can exist within a person’s body and mind and can be quite damaging.
The pain-body as dormant or active
The earlier illustration captures the moment a dormant pain-body is activated. The adult in a growing intimate relationship was doing just fine until hearing that innocent but triggering statement: “Don’t worry. I’ll never leave you.” Suddenly the pain-body emerged, created fear and a desire to run and end it all. To the lover, such a response would be uncalled for and out of the blue and likely even out of character.
Understanding the two states of the pain-body can be helpful:
You can begin to identify when others are triggered from a dormant pain-body to an active one.
You can begin to identify when your own pain-body has been activated.
You can begin to remove judgment from the equation and switch to a neutral response: “Ah! There’s the pain body.”
Identifying that a pain-body is present can inform your next move.
Pain-bodies: a blast from the past
Because pain-bodies are associated with the past, to activate they depend upon you to revisit the past or even live in the past. The past is very important to pain-bodies. They thrive on moments that trigger past memories. They love to activate when something comes back up or back around for you: a smell, a statement, an image, a similar situation, a “here we go again” moment. If someone’s pain-body is suddenly running the show, you can bet something about the past has suddenly been resurrected in the present. Until the pain-body is properly dissolved (or transmuted, if you are comfortable with that word) it will keep activating again and again. Sudden anger, irritation, depression, desire for drama or even violence will make you miserable.
Antidote: the present moment
Miraculously, pain-bodies can’t last long within or with someone who is entirely present. And by that I mean, someone who is in a state of conscious awareness. Someone who is here now, present in the moment and able to accept without judgement each moment as it unfolds is free of the pain-body. Think of the Dalai Lama or Jesus or anyone in your life who is simply at peace with whatever Life throws them. “Yes, this is happening. Yes, this is happening now” takes the air away from a pain-body so that before long it simply just dissolves.
Being with someone who has this quality of conscious awareness also helps to dissolve the pain-body in someone else. Remember a time when you witnessed a young child in a whining tantrum? They are wailing. They run to mom who doesn’t enter their pain but simply allows it to be. In the presence of a parent who doesn’t react, doesn’t yell or get angry, and who simply quietly holds the present in about three minutes the child is ready to play again, the drama of the moment over and gone. It’s sort of like that but on a much bigger scale. A pain-body that isn’t fed can’t survive.
Not without purpose
Don’t blame pain-bodies for their existence. It’s not their fault. It’s doesn’t need to be anyone’s fault. But they are there for a reason, and no, it’s not to mess up your life and make you miserable. It’s to be seen and transformed or transmuted so that you can be the truest version of you there is.
Here’s a lovely story a friend shared the other day. My friend Sandra has been thinking about herself as a vessel. Imagine this. You are carrying a cup. If the cup is filled with coffee and you are bumped, what will spill out? Coffee. If it is filled with milk, what will spill out? Milk. Now imagine you ARE the cup. Well, until I am a vessel that only spills out LOVE when bumped (triggered), something else is making itself known for a reason.
The value of the Observer
As you read this, perhaps you are thinking about yourself, your own past moments when the pain-body emerged. That was the full embodiment of the egoic self (or small self). However, you might easily identify that the YOU you are right now is NOT embodying that almost nameable negative emotional energy field. Tolle calls this version of you the observer. You can’t be entirely both at the same time. That is the good news! The trick then, is to use the Observer you, the consciously aware you, the neutral you, to your advantage. The observer thrives in the present moment while the pain-body depends upon the past. A good deal of learning about the power of now is to practice being the observer of the egoic self rather than fully embodying it. In other words, to operate from consciousness instead of from the mind.
Be. Here. Now.
Dissolving the pain-body is no easy task. But it is possible. And it’s probable if you can create a mindfulness practice that teaches you to be here now. It begins with understanding that while we can remember the past and imagine a future, the only moment one actually lives at any given time is the moment you are experiencing. You only have now. From there you can begin to accept the present moment with neutrality rather than judgment. For me and countless others, reading The Power of Now was a catalyst for this very journey. From learning about the pain-body to identifying it in myself and others, to occupying the present moment, this book led the way. Since its first publication in 1999 mindfulness practices have emerged in force. As with everything, now “there’s an app for that.” Certainly many of my articles and full series in the archives are there to assist you should you need them. (Just go to my website online brendabrayko.substack.com and search the archives.)
But for now, why take one minute of your time and take three deep breaths, feeling the sensation of the breath as it enters and exits. Allow this to unfold without judgment.
With our ever expanding conscious awareness individually and collectively, I am hopeful that our pain-bodies will emerge only to find they aren’t fed for long. May their purpose be bright and brief like fireworks in July that are seen then fade. May we rest in the power of now as we heal ourselves, each other, and a suffering world through our very presence.
Learn More
Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. New World Library and Namaste Publishing, 1999.
You can find all of my series in the archives:
Adulting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly
Me-Time: Self-care in the time of Covid
Reasons for Hope
From Fog to Flow
With a Grateful Heart
Lessons in Life School
Life Cheat Sheets
Riffs on Wisdom Teachings
Author of Me Time: Self-care in a Challenging World. Available at Bookemon. (Click here for link)
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All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2023 unless otherwise credited.
Very interesting! I have not read a mindfulness book. The more we go through, it seems the easier it is to handle the next thing.