“Ultimately, it comes down to the question of just how willing we are to lighten up and loosen our grip.”
Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart, Chapter 4
Play to Listen.
Mid-December 2022
I’ve been thinking about Thinking. And Being. Presently I’m doing a lot of Being (if it is possible to DO Being.) I’m at a resort in Mexico on a trip that was planned over six months ago. My hubby and I are being pampered like crazy. We’re simply sitting here - then there - then there - much of the time. And intermittently we walk or eat or chat with each other or someone close by. But primarily we just ARE. We haven’t a care in the world until we THINK too much.
It is far too easy to interrupt Being with Thinking. We think about our 18 and 21 year old at home and how they are doing. We think about the snowstorm in the forecast for our home in Wisconsin and what it might mean for the kids and our flight home. We think about the challenges that await us upon our return. The moment we start thinking, our Being-ness disappears. As Pema Chödrön writes: “Thoughts will run us around in circles if we buy into them, but really they are like dream images. They are like illusions - not really all that solid. They are, as we say, just thinking.” In other words, anything that isn’t Being (experiences in the moment) is just stories that we tell ourselves.
I can try to illustrate this with an anecdote at a spa today. Six of us were led from the steam room to a pool of cold water. I knew the pool was cold. I was ready to embrace the moment of the cold and charged right in. Yes. It was cold! Most others in the group hadn’t even gotten into the water before they were shivering and shrinking away. They were thinking about it too much - making stories in their heads of the suffering that surely awaited them in the cold pool. “How do you do that?” one awestruck woman asked me as she sheepishly entered the pool. “Tell yourself ‘I’m in cold water. I’m in cold water,’” I instructed. And she did! Pretty soon the two of us were having a grand old time experiencing the cold water. No more thinking. Just being. Just receiving the experience as it is.
Which brings me to the notion of reception versus resistance. In the Buddhist teachings, to be able to be in reception without resistance is what brings about a sort of fluidity. To be in resistance to what IS brings about suffering. Resistance often manifests as a need for control. Needing to control that which can never be controlled and which is ever and always changing is something we only think we can do. Seeking control is more like trying to drink water from a pool by closing your fist around it; whereas, being in reception is like standing in a rain open-handed and open-mouthed, drenched in the abundance of the water. The lesson I’m learning, then, is to notice when I’m contracted, closed off, or seeking control so that I can “loosen my grip” and let go.
Of course, like the woman in the pool, the logical question becomes “How? How do I move from thinking to being? How do I shift from resistance to reception?” Buddhism and other wisdom traditions tell us to do such things as notice, become aware, breathe into the moment, and create a spaciousness for whatever IS. Over time this awareness and spaciousness can open the door to non-judgment. “It is what it is” becomes one's mantra. That was my mantra for a very long time. It was an important step on my personal spiritual journey. To allow something to be what it is without judging it as especially bad OR good is an ongoing, but beneficial, practice. Gradually my mantra shifted into “So this is happening now,” which is essentially the same thing with a bit more curiosity and spaciousness. This further shifted to my present practice which is “God is,” or recognizing the Divine in each and every moment no matter how pleasant or unpleasant it is.
Reception Mode
So here’s the thing. Why even desire to loosen the grip, give up control, or “let go, let God”? Frankly, the answer is pretty straight forward, what one can achieve as a thinking human is piddly in comparison to what can be achieved when God, Source or All that Is is in control. We simply don’t have the imagination or energy for it. We seem to work so hard for so little in return. It’s tiring, actually, and there is no guarantee that events will unfold as you have planned.
So here is a practice to shift toward reception:
Notice.
Breathe.
Open.
Receive.
As I said earlier, my husband and I have been BEING in the flow. We must have been in reception mode even before we boarded the plane because out of the blue we were upgraded to Business Class. Crazy! We couldn’t have planned that. Upon arrival at the resort, we were awestruck yet again when our reservation for a small studio suddenly turned into a Prestige One Bedroom Suite. Even crazier! Not only could we not have planned for it, we couldn’t afford it either. And so here we have been, awestruck by the generosity and imagination of the Universe (God, works well here, too.) We’ve had plenty of time to Be Still and Know that I am God. What a gift we have received.
Expand, Contract, Expand . . .
Okay, so it all sounds good, just open that clenched fist and body and shift from thinking to being and you’re set, right? Well, that’s not very realistic, is it? Why is that? The thing is, nature shows us through her natural processes that we are made to expand, contract, and expand again in a never-ending cycle. We breathe in - expanding our lungs, and then breathe out, contracting our lungs. Both are needed to live. There is a similar and necessary and healthy relationship between thinking and being. Strangely, then, whatever state one is in - resistance or reception - can be viewed as entirely natural. It means you don’t have to beat yourself up if you notice you are in a state of resistance. You can accept it as it is. Letting it BE actually moves you back toward the next natural state of reception. Expand, contract, expand again.
Finally
Is being in a contracted state wearing you down? Do you want to loosen your grip and shift into reception? Consider the steps of pausing, noticing, putting attention on the body or breath, then allow, allow, allow yourself to BE. You might be amazed at what you receive when your Thinking brain isn’t always in control. For more insight and practical ways to navigate those contracted, resistant stretches, I highly recommend When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön.
May you and yours have a Happy New Year.
Reference
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. Chödrön, Pema. Thorsons, 2017.
You can find all of my series in the archives:
Adulting 101 Coupons: A Gift from your Parents
Partnering 101: A Deep Dive into Leaving Kindly
Me-Time: Self-care in the time of Covid
Reasons for Hope
From Fog to Flow
With a Grateful Heart
Lessons in Life School
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All photos by © Brenda Brayko 2022 unless otherwise credited.
Thanks Brenda, wonderful insight and tools to BE - thanks I needed this and will use these tools while on my upcoming scuba diving trip. So glad you n your husband created such a relaxing BEing time, love the crazy upgrades!